some people percieve the world visually, like architects and sculptors
others see the world thru the prism of language, like writers

sent dwgs to the press. choked on the 200 buckeroos i had to cough out!
am supposed to get ny concepts on the scupture done up. but i m way off!

think i m betta off continuing my research.

cen'estpas ceque vouscroyez

i do know what i am babbling around.

blogger.com

They were bad philosophers
even if they were good
storytellers. That is where
language enters the picture.
They had a story they
liked & were reluctant
to give up. & so they
said it was a dream
which is the kind of story
no one can argue with
because dreams come
to us — we do not call them,
which is what gives
them their power
to enlighten & confuse
the facts, by which we mean
those things that lie outside
our selves. Those
important things insisting
we are not dreaming
but awake here, now.

okay people .. this is in bolds .. listen up:::
I AM OFFICIALLY OFFLINE FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR SO, OR WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT! NO SOUL IS IN MY INVISIBLE LIST. I ARENT EVEN ON INVISIBLE. (aol icq yada yada yada)if i detest your presence, i would put you in my IGNORE list. no qualms about it. stop emailing me about not seeing me online. cos we dont even chat when we do!

been syncing into my design project wholeheartedly these recent days. still have got a scuplture to submit before exams close in. darn* anyhow, i enjoy the gruling process of design, so who cares. i seriously detest YOU. i dont know why. my hatred for ypu just sinks in. i seriously endeavoured to blog a chirpy, upbeat blog, but i find myself falling into the trenches of profaining and screaming my dislikes for you. i seriously cant stand your entire being. but who am i to judge your actions, who am i to question your existance. it all spells back to me having a sense of relief that i managed to get the crap out from my bottleneck thoughts!

you seriously give life a bad name!

*peace. bomb scares arent cool.

to start the blog rolling:

i detest guys with long hair! especially if they look bad enough with short hair. oh, maybe they would look worse without hair eh? skin head rocks!

you suck big time!

you know who you are. what you do and where you are going. you need no one to show you around my heart. cos you are experienced in piercing thru me. single handledly, with a double edged sword. leaving me in a puddle of tears, grime and gore.

i am not satisfied, these are not justified. i pondered and realised::

the poor get work
the rich get richer
world gets worst
do you get the picture

the poor gets death,the rich gets depressed
the ugly gets mad, the pretty gets stressed
the ugly get violent, the pretty get bored

the old gets death, the young gets stepped on

do you get the picture

is it all good life? where do you fit into?
to eat good, do you have to swallow pride?
to have a fat wallet, do you have to steal?

bloodshot eyes . tired limps
misspelled words .misthought intentions
neck strains
body aches
but having A HELL OF a time
doing what i love n adore so much.

the fragility of life
the frail cries of anguish and pain

the futility of war
the relentless calls for payback

i was warned. not to hang around the Others. i was warned, not to hang around the places patronised by the Others. but no place on earth is safe. every corner of the earth marks danger. its only recently that i have realised the fragility of life.the anguish and pain of seeing the ones you love, suffer. for no apparant reason. cos some guys were playing martyrs. i may shout and profain obscenities. i may scream in disgust. i may yell out in a crazy rave. but the earth revolves, and martyrs are born everyday. martyrs born, trained, to die for a fXXking cause. seriously, i see no logic in the stuffs that you guys dabble in, other than to raise the hospitalisation tolls and to have more bad press. i wish that i could breathe better, longer and for you guys to see the Light soon.

remember them , in bali, always.
paradise to living hell
pleasure to pain
cigarettes to charred
giggles to grostesque
peace to earth.

*peace love joy

sometimes when you glance into my direction. i stand frozen. ur stare is biting.
sometimes when you offer a helping hand, i get transported to another realm.
sometimes when we brush fingers across, the clock goes anti clockwise.

silly as may seem
why we try to comprehend
why we try to calculate
why we try to forecast
things that are so unpredictable

whats in a feel
whats in a touch
whats in a glance
and whats stored in your stares

i feel strange, i feel stirred, i should leave
i feel dumb, mute, stoned all rolled in one
onerous mode

feelings cant be hidden, at least for long. mixed feelings shouldnt be taken. your glances shouldnt, come close to me. cos everytime they do, i tremble.
i fear, shudder every minute i ponder bout us, you me him her shim
whats in tomorrow, whats in a week
why are days numbered? ? why cant days be in an alphabetical order? i dont have answers to these and i dont wanna hear you blabber on.

i blabber nonsense. i am inapt. i m a walking gaffe generating machine.
seriously, if i ever had ever offended ya with my offensive n inapt jokes,
sometimes at the expense of others
i apologise.

but i despise the inner you. the you who pokes, picks n stirs.
stirring and shaking
stirred and shaked
muppet puppet i feel
muddle poodle i am

and i can only say
shameless slut
a modern day delila

And I never thought I'd feel this way

and as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
that I do believe I love you.
And if I should ever go away
well

then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
and then if you can remember:

Keep smilin'
keep shinin'

knowing you can always count on me for sure -
That's what friends are for.
For good times and bad times
i'll be on your side forever more -
That's what friends are for.

Well
you came and opened me
and now there's so much more I see

And so by the way I thank you.

Oh
and then for the times when we're apart

Well
then close your eyes
and lovely words are comin' from my heart

And then if you can remember:

Keep smilin'
keep shinin'
. . .
Keep smilin'
keep shinin'
. . .
i know within the deepest of my thoughts that you are embedded within. though you may be gone, but ur not gone for good. i believe we will meet eventually and we will catch on from there. i wont be missing out much, cos the dialogues between u surpasses those of normal comprehension and fathom. i will smile and shine and i believe that you can see me, from where ever you may be.

the ugly get mad
the pretty get stressed
the poor get work
the rich get richer

whatever whoever whereever we are
there are things that can makes one feel bitter, its when you realise that things will remain as they are, irregardless of the massive amount of filth complains and dissentments that one makes, that you cease to complain and endeavour to take things as they are.

but there are things that
we cant see eye to eye with, that we detest to the core, that we will at all costs change
even though the end result doesnt benefit or add value to anything
but we seek solace n joy from the sheer execution of the action.

i ponder as i pen these stuffs down. it seems so real that no place on earth is safe. my thoughts get raptured to bali, where azure waters and the blazing sun shines down. the place many called paradise. heaven on earth. i cant swallow the fact that it has become hell on earth. azure waters still line the bay, but together with those are bloated bodies. the earth revolves around a vicious lethal axis, people just dont realise that things get around. i dont understand many things in life. i dont know the meaning of life. but i do want to get to bed every night feelin and realising that i had lived that day to my utmost. morbid as it may sound, but every breathe one takes, transports one a step closer to their graves. a grave truth. it all is subjected to how you grasp that 24-7.

make love, not war. *peace

go let the flies fly. let the rain splatter on the couch. chill for anxiety's depressing.
i attempt to pull the trigger but i tremble. my hands tremor.
i realise we have been in the same cycle. irreversible you.

grasp

a fleeting feeling of euphoria.
it is momentarily graspable.

but then
it evaporates
into the general miasma of

ennui.

your plea sure is spasmodic n shortlived

i deter from being sciolus (time to resurrect tat Latin dictionary!)
maybe i m displaying sciolism just by using that word eh

but scius+knowing are cool
is knowing the unknown that makes one knowledgeble
i sound dumb just saying that

i m just crapping around .. 24-7 .. tats me.

taking ambidextrous to be literal
i ponder the opposite
maybe accidextrous?

i realise i am mutilating the english language
and totally disgracing the latin counterpart
i apologise but i enjoyed the stir.

*peace, saying is one thing, exercising another

taking ambidextrous to be literal
i ponder the opposite
maybe accidextrous?

i realise i am mutilating the english language
and totally disgracing the latin counterpart
i apologise but i enjoyed the stir.

*peace, saying is one thing, exercising another

this is fucked up
i mean all some people want was some good clean fun
just good music to groove to
and they end up as burnt carcasses

some people fail to realise that life works on a vicious cycle
things go around and get around

my sympathies go out to all the casualties in Bali
bloated charred burnt bodies line the small hospital
resembling a slaughter house

a grusome sight .. grostesque
remnants of a wild night out are
burns scars mutilated bodies crude plywood coffins rubble ...

*peace and god be with australia

you love to hold a palaver outside my door.
you love to chuckle hearing my giggles
you love to suck your fingers
you love peeled grapes
you love green granny smiths
you love coffee on a wintry night
you love bananas with chocolate sauce
you love to break the things you like dont you?

sometimes i feel like a gawk. butter fingers. slippery hands. shoelaces interlaced. hair messed.
sometimes i feel like a god. divine. omnipotent.
sometimes i feel like shit. smelly. eeky.
sometimes i feel like you. everytime i feel that way, i tell myself, i am better off as shit.

i miss you. i miss andi more. i miss myself the most.

i hate sloths. i detest acedia. my favorite oxymoron is giant shrimp.

how do you know the one when you see many. how do you choose one out of the many. what makes you tick. what makes you flick. what makes you kick. what makes you freak. time holds the answer i reckon.

i m suffering from insomnia. wished it was amnesia. but i choose to keep some memories. some i hold dear and near. others i toss them out. but like recycled trash, thry keep coming back to me. whats in a ditch. whats in a dump. whats in a field. whats in the oceans. whats in your cup? whats in me? i wished i knew the answers to these.

i toss in bed. i think of stuffs. i think of myself when i was 3. then when i was 4. and i toss somemore. i turn, my stomach churns. i fall. i fail. i am fallen. i m caught. i am the hunted. i m lost. in this wilderness of life. i grapple with every breathe. hyperventilating. i choke on water. i fall on walking. i drown on rain. i die on watching. i am the watcher. the watched. the hunted. the hunter. i may put it close by my heart. but its ironic how things move. in a vicious cycle.

how do u put something onto your life
and attempt to take that something out from your life
in a quick fashion?

i liken that to striking a sword
into someone's heart
and pulling it out really fast

you think the pain and anguish would be gone in a matter of seconds
they dont. they leave an scar. for good.

christmas's nearing
i m making plans, christmas shopping ..
you used to be one of the first on my list
i shudder when i realise that this year's gonna be very different, without you

i tout i gotten over you
i tout i managed to hold sweet memories
but i see you everywhere
I hold you close in memory
And even though I know you're gone
I know you're here

As sure as there's snowfall in December
Your love lives on in everything
Summer, winter, fall or spring
Every thought of you will bring us CLOSER

The distance may be large or small
Some day I pray that we may all be CLOSER

one lesson you have taught me ..
everyday's a gift, treasure it, cos its the present

*missing you heaps ,, andi

you better take your watch off, when meddling with machinery
you better take your contacts off, when driving pass the sandy dunes
you better call your mama, when you are gonna come look for me

put on the bullet proof jacket when you are gonna fight the guard
put on the safety harness when you are gonna sky dive
put on your googles when you swim
cos i know your eyes will hurt

seriously, i attempt to warn you bout many things,
but you have always turned a deaf ear to my warnings
this time i know pretty well
it wouldnt change
but i dont need you here
and i wouldnt like seeing you around

stick your head in your blowhole
stick your arse in your seat
do not move, even a step closer
cos tat terrifies me

touch my skin and tell me what you are thinking
look into my eyes and tell me what we are watching
watching and being watched

take my hand and tell me what you are feeling
sit on top of the world and tell me how you are feeling

theres uncertainty in the air
See my eyes, they carry your reflection,
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me, show me what you're doing

i miss you but i miss myself more.

dropped by the doc's today. fortuitiously.. diagnosed only with secondary bronchitis...

stayin sane n alive!
oops ... i gotten a new email. .. too many stalkers on the old one ..(heh* .. nah ... theres some permanent faults on the old)
redirect all mails to : crumbled@toast.com

peace!

still down with bad throat. persistent cough and wobbly fingers. cant blog much . be back in action soon. i hope.

bless me.

:: today's a gift ... thats why its called the present.

:: cancer's a word, not a sentence.

a few quotes that are really groovy ... enjoy!