tears on my keyboard
as i plough through imagery
i watched a chinese movie yesterday
the movie had no strong storyline
just a hook to tug at one's heartstrings

my grandma used to frequently say
she doesnt cry physical tears anymore
her tear glands have dried up
like the deserts
she's been through so much
the heart's numbed to all pain and anguish
but the physical pains wouldnt go away
illnesses haunts and hunts the frail body

i endured physical pains this and last week
stomach cramps that come and seize my body up
ulcers they say.
what i endured and grit my teeth for
was nothing, maybe an inconsiderable fraction of the pain
grandma was tormented with.
i tried to make sense of why she passed away,
maybe it was for the better

i am not good with dates
i dont remember the exact date she left
i dont remember the season she departed
i remember rituals, events and moments
i remember everything like it was yesterday

its difficult when the closest person to you has departed
without any last words
its insulting when others try to make up last words for the demised
like my mum

life still has to be lived and savoured
with the shadows of my grandma falling on me
thanks for the visitations in my dreams
you were a legend, at least to me.

rest in peace,
i am doing well.