submissions of my thesis weighs my heart down. maybe a balance is always being struck. relief takes not long to wean into retirement. the fight is not with tiredness, but with tireless now.

whilst searching for a holiday destination,i came across way too many write ups on singapore. very untrue and falsified writeups, and arent those photos a montage of authentic asian cities, which we so wish to emboss on our concrete green city? clean? or rather, sanitised. and de-sensitised. yes, i still adhor them all.

attempts to take a break this wednesday. a break that will creep into an eternal void of restlessness.

we breathe the same whiff of air but the sameless differences terrorises me
i take things for granted. till situations change. till partnerships get blurred.
i beg for reminiscences. i chase the string. the string which now, has spun into a yarn of messed up threads.

i await the new beginning. i write the first words to new page. only to find myself, writing the same words, as the pages before. now all i possess, are pages of mirroring images, mirroring words. mirrored destinations.

i sanitised what i was pondering before.
on further eschewing, i will keep mum.
you might be reading.

2 weeks or less. 12 days to be exact. between me and my final thesis.
a couple of steps more, to the end of this pathway.
i struggle to thread the few steps, i struggle with the uncertainties of what lies across.
i soar with thoughts of a new chapter.
i bought a new pen. i found a new book. i tried to write a new chapter.
but my heartstrings were entagled in the webs of the old.
everyone says, forget whats passed. the past.
but i hold on so dearly. and i wouldnt change. for now.

the beginnings of autumm.
Its been raining incessantly the last couple of days. Maple leaves that litter the streets and pavements go damp and dry when the sun decides to smile on us again. Everyone knows i adore rainy days. I adore sipping the coffee and cosing with a book, while the rain trickles as the clock ticks. These are a luxury for now, as the semester closes in. But then again, once this semester weans away, a new chapter, will be in the writing.

Hit by the design boulder in the early starts of my project, questionings of abilities and changes of dreams began. Thanks to all who encouraged. The few who believed when the protagonist was lost in the myraid events that were going. Thanks to the one who swallows all my unstoppable complaints and dries my ever flowing tears. I am still lost once in awhile in this mazelike path i take, but thats the joys of life.

the rain falls, thunder roars then the sun shines again. all in 3 minutes. all in the last few moments. the joy may be short lived, but with the fickle temperament of the rain, sun and clouds, a concotion of a new blend gets revealed.

maybe i could go to japan someday. maybe i should soak and immense myself in the culture. be open to my tunnelled criticisms. maybe i am simply swayed by the strong winds, churning drawings, all by the comfort of my room.

for now, its back to the drawing boards. Peace.