i can write the saddest lines tonight
i can write about the demise and missing of aplenty
i can write about the physical and spiritual death of many
i can write about this world
i can write about weaning of my mother tongue amongst many
i can write about americanisation
i have proven my point.
i can write the saddest lines tonight, no doubt.

i choke on experiences.
sometimes what my next breathe dishes out
is exhilarating, alittle shocking, whiffs of uncertainties
i cant handle the myraid events
a false armour constantly straps across my stirred spirit.
i try to savoir each day.
i admit, i try too much sometimes, to live this life.

the nike.
i ran alittle further this morning.
i slowed down alittle down the creek.
stole a glance of the concrete city in the background.
shared a little glimpse of family bliss.

my lomo.
wouldnt be in limbo.
when i start.
my stint as the hobo.

suddenly i felt
as if i had strolled without end
along those midnight streets

every third night
i climbed the exact slope
to earn my bread

i stare at these soiled hands
stark replica of my mind

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,You're all that I am,
Take me home,I'm through fighting it,
Broken,Lifeless,I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,I can't go on,Anymore,Ever again.
My only hope,(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,(To walk away from you)
My only joy,My only strength,(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,My only life,(And love is where I am)
My only love.I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,I'm sorry,I'm sorry,
In all my bitterness,I ignored,All that's real and true,All I need is you,
When night falls on me,I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
Constantly ignoring,The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,I'll never stray again.
My only hope,(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,(To walk away from you)
Ocktober by Evanescence

i never liked to participate. to do the spectacular spectatorcate.
on the contrary, i like the names you brand me with.
the edifice of the ordinary.

yesterday.
she was alive. he was jumping. he was talking.
we say the what ifs.
we say the wait.
we say to sit. to meditate. to spectatorcate.
i admit. my physical and mental disability.
i cant wait. i cant sit.
i have sat, while others passed.
i have sat, while others rolled to death.
i have sat, while others leaped to death.
i have sat, while others slipped silently to death.
i have had constant fullstops in my life.
where i stopped, paused, lost and pulled myself up
with these grippling of uncertainties.
i am not like the you on the street.
the people closest to me have chosen to depart from my presence
in strange ways, but with certainity and surity.

i remember, the community used to tell me,
all things are possible.
and i couldnt agree more.
if i were to depart from your presence today, or tomorrow, or sometime soon,
let the shock trigger for the day,
let the tears fall for that minute,
let the memories stay,
and pray that i can find,
all the people that used to love me,
whereever i may go.

honestly. just give me honesty.