where i used to call home.
has morphed into many unknowns.
destination uncertain.
anticipating the nothing.
i lie in this bed. i breathe in this air.
i feel untamed, unsame. nothing remains.
unchanged this day.

everyone spins in the circle of change.
everything moves with the train of change.
every building has been in motion.
a paintjob here, an excavation there.

this time around when i depart. i dont know when. dont know where i will be. but one thing's for sure, i wouldnt be here. maybe its the friends i have. maybe its the influences of being in a constant flux of motion. where i am now breeds retardation. i dont think as free. i dont ponder as much. i sleep and slumber. while the crowds whimper and shop till their limbs cant carry them. who's the poor boy in somalia? does he want any assessment books?

i never thought it would be so easy to pack 18 years of experiences in a bag and carry it whereever i went. i thought i missed the food, i guess not. i thought i missed a few, i really did, but the repulsions of the shortchanged experiences wasnt worth the trade. i am calling off the trade soon. to the dismay of many. sorry.

maybe i was never meant for this place. i question aplenty. i see no eye to eye with any issues, with the way of living, the speed of excelling, the search for the material wants. i know no one on these streets i plod on. days spent on the bed, desires stray to the new continent, i daringly call home. cos thats where i feel most at ease and at peak in.

many would shudder at these thoughts. but rest assured i still cherished my childhood. i simply am at tangent with how the present has differed from 1981. 2003 has been one tough cookie to chew on. i choked many atimes. yet savouring the melted chocolates once awhile. i wouldnt have fought this year, without the ones close to my heart. thanks to all.

may 2004 be a year where dreamers dream big dreams and never realise the word, gravity.

*peace*

its the season to be jolly and merry once again. merry christmas to all!

: peace on earth :

guess i feel. how you felt. lying here, diet always in doubt. every second, hoping the next brings relief. when you can speak coherant and crispy speech. but out comes the cackle. silenced by silent.

stony story
i once heard a tall story.
about a man and his son.
i once told a long story.
about a boy and his world.
i once lived in a story book.
i once lived in an almost real fairy tale.
every breathe i take.
every moment i lived for longer.
the more i stray.
from these tales of the slayed.
the more i get stranded.
within the characters i play.
and the characters we play.
chapter 3, we were sworn sisters.
chapter 29, we were sworn enemies.
chapter 78, swarmed by new characters.
chapters are still in the writing,
and my teeth are still gritting,
wondering when, what, who greets me next.
by the way,
tell me the title of this book,
cos my preoccupation with playing my role nice and everything fine
has blinded and weaken me
from searching this simple detail
maybe i have played this character wrongly
maybe. and once again.
i have only thyself to blame.
for the author is sometimes
not the root of the evil
characters are.
for the roles they play, and stray.

*speedy recovery ::: nig:::*