before i wake up. i lose the dreams. maybe its meant to be that way. maybe one should be greeted by new dreams each day. but havent you noticed, how sometimes there are moments of deja vous, it seems like, that particular moment's been screened, some night before, as a dream, below the white linen, i seen that imagery. these moments echo into my ears, dreams come true. just be daring in dreaming.

before i sleep. i lose myself. with the mere trivalities of life. many dismiss a tram ride, a jog in the park, a coffee in the cafe, as mere trivialities. but these are the places where i gain the most insight. on my being, other beings, and our idiosyncrasies. a mere encounter, serendipity, a bump, a knock, even a blooper, breeds laughter, tears, smiles, conversation exchanges, which become roots to friendship, love or even hate. just never despise encounters as trivialities.

before i shower. i play a melody. i hum a thread of thought. i seek momentum in this crazed world. where footsteps have no rhythm. where lifes are on bumps. but voices are sometimes so well orchestrated. the violin sounds like greek, the grand piano like english, mandarin like the flute, italian like the cello. my ears, always in for a treat, on a tram ride, or in the subways, or simply in the streets.

before i know. before i realise. before i appreciate. some will have gone their way. so while you are still reading, and me writing. though i dont say this through chatting, or vocally, allow me to thank you. for smiling on your way to work. for putting rubbish in its place. for being real. for breathing. for living. for swearing. just simply, for being yourself. the world's more colourful, more melodious and the pull of gravity is less evident, just cos you are you. stay real.

thanks all.

this is totally 'off'

WHITE WASHED : You sound like a valley girl. Your best friends aren't Asian and you don't really care. You like shopping at American Eagle and Abercrombie. Boys? It's the cream of the white crop for you. You're embarrassed that you can't speak your own language. You don't know who Kang Ta, Sammi Cheng, and Utada Hikaru is. "Like, what's Boba?"


What Asian Girl Are You?
VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK

*101% denial*
peace

Why are we reading, if not in hope of beauty laid bare, life heightened and its deepest mystery probed?

Why are we reading if not in hope that the writer will magnify and dramatize our days, will illuminate and inspire us with wisdom, courage, and the possibility of meaningfulness, and will press upon our minds the deepest mysteries, so that we may feel again their majesty and power?

What do we ever know that is higher than that power which, from time to time, seizes our lives, and reveals us startlingly to ourselves as creatures set down here bewildered? Why does death so catch us by surprise, and why love?

We still and always want waking. We should amass half dressed in long lines like tribesmen and shake gourds at each other, to wake up;
instead we watch television
and miss the show.

-Annie Dillard

stay real. true. and transparent in this opaque world. +peace+

one more, just to stroke the ego ..
thanks trev [i said i had to work .. and u started sending me such urls... too enticing!]


You're Rory! Smart, cute, dedicated, cute, you are
the envy of your peers. You tend to be a bit
self-absorbed, but that's to be expected when
you are universally loved.


Which Gilmore Girls Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so many times, the smallest decisions are the ones that change our lives forever.


for trev whos been bugging ..

Gambet, his power is that anything he touches
immediatly sparks. When he lets go it goes
Kablooie unless he disarms it. He usually
carries around playing cards and throws them at
people.


Which X-men are you???
brought to you by Quizilla

*peace. respects. love. be real.

::things i did::
cleaned the house (involves emptying the trash), stocked up on VBs n Crowns, played tennis, deejayed, model making, recharged batteries, watched secret life, read, read, read, write, write, write, dream, sing, shower, cook, alittle sketching, run (around the house), be a prick, be true, be transparent, thinking of many folks (names withheld, available upon request), fight fear, smile. laughed. shared. called 2 friends. failed to meet the new neighbours. and the night's still young. to dream yet again.

people come into your life and things change. sometimes alot. sometimes alittle. sometimes nice. sometimes exhilarating.
the ripple effects of such encounters. be it made-up. or simply serendipity. pours into my life like rain falling on frail paper. soaked.
its been 2 years. at least thats what the clock says. of me, in my current company. it was sheer serendipity. with the gods smiling in my face, and blessing me with folks like these. thanks.

peering at what i have been through. perusing through my personal diaries. i unlocked an upset soul. tide was always falling and hitting me in the face. at least, when nana left. it seems like the world's gone totally berserk. have i mentioned, i thought we were on mars for awhile. i still miss her heaps. love ya nana.

but it takes a long while. at least it took me long. to realise. the sheer meaning of lucky. of bliss. of being blessed. behind every whine and whinge, is an even greater whine and whinge. the world is filled with too many sad stories. and too little thankful stories. i hope i didnt take too long to realise, the world's still a beautiful place to be. and beautiful people are people who choose to be one. smile. love. and slow to whine.

freeing the spirit within
seeing the life without
the physicalities of her
seems arduous
but i hear your voice
humming the world is a beautiful place
live. breathe. be nothing except the real you.
empty your feelings. your transparency in this opaque world.
is what people will cherish and remember you for.
just be.

.get well soon. keep the faith. delta.

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

extracts,matchbox20,unwell

you really came by.
physically.
to tell me this.

your first kiss was my birth
your last, my death
and all in between, my life.
thanks.
i teared. the ink ran.

i am sorry.
for shutting the doors on you.
i never thought this time around
your words really count.

i am sorry N.
i saw you through the peephole.
i saw the note you slipped under the door.
and now.
i see you in the airport.

you really came by.
physically.
to tell me this.

your first kiss was my birth
your last, my death
and all in between, my life.
thanks.
i teared. the ink ran.

i am sorry.
for shutting the doors on you.
i never thought this time around
your words really count.

i am sorry N.
i saw you through the peephole.
i saw the note you slipped under the door.
and now.
i see you in the airport.

condolences to the kins and friends of
Iranian sisters Ladan and Laleh Bijani.

these days. everywhere seems like a wrong place to hang around. maybe thats why the safest bet would be to enter all thoughts in this blogsite. so many ceased asking if you are fine and well. so many more stopped hanging around you. even more, just simply disappear. i guess one can only ask oneself answers to questions like these. questioning my own deeds. whats wrong mama?

these afternoons. i lock myself behind the door. no one knocks. no one asks why. because they too fatigued by me. by me sheer presence. yes, mama, i picked too much, on the unneccessary. yes mama, you hear them yelling that i have to get a hold on meself and move on with life. but mama, have they ever told you how heavy the burden's to bear. sometimes eyes shouldnt merely watch. they should learn to see. before branding me.

these nights. i wish for a better day. i dream of azure waters. i think of home. home, which is no place on earth. home which is not my permanent residence. home of azure waters. of no cares. of total tranquility. of no relating to anyone. but wouldnt that mean i will be alone walking on the sandy beachfronts?

mama. so many people passed. brushed. and rushed me by. at times, the someone that stops and asks how and why. makes me cry. touched by their love of life. mama, i did the same for so many. is life unfair to render me no reciprocration? when i really need to shed those tears. i jump and bury myself into my pillow. shoulders no more. tissues no more. just sheer mere silence.

i wish i could open myself and share more with you. but i cant. i can only say. the trauma that just whirled me up, is more than meets the eye. i could die.

"that which does not kill us, makes us stronger"

i need a rest. the walks weary. the jogs killing. brains charring.
i need a rest. without thoughts of fear.
i need a sleep. slumber without cares.
i dont need more time.
i need more life.
more carpe diems.
gimme no soothing words.
i know they mean well.
but they pierced through this deprieved heart of mine.
so many say life is a sum of challenges surpassed
so many say about surviving and emerging the winner
how many choose to die
to end this ordeal
we brand
life.

i know every voice means well.
i know every smile means well.
i know it all means good and well.
when did life turn tormenting.
i asked the clock which told no time.
clock now ticks not in minutes and seconds.
clock now ticks with bruises and scar.
another bruise inflicted
another ounce of blood spilled
thats life in the now.

sad. and tell me the directions.
to end this ordeal.

accidents. plunges to death. drownings. natural calamities. birth. and death.
whens the right time for which. who gives the calling. who gets called.
whose voice do i hear. very well. the devil's sonorous. and the angels are invisible to my sight.
i thought i was alive. till i met buildings.

the unspeakable joy of
winning.

autumn leaves falling and swept out of sight
memories falling and swept out of mind
the falling leaves drift by the windows
i see your lips
the summer kisses
the summer tan
the summer hands i used to hold
since you been gone
summer seems to not come at all.
winters coming.
when autumn leaves start to fall once more.

been very un-myself lately. sorry for putting up with the me in the now.
a tribute to all that are close to surviving my ordeal.
a self made movie for you survivors of my crumbled crap!

peace.