in keeping with my once a year blog tradition, this is the first entry for 2008
so now i have to sign into blogger using my gmail account
everyone is acquiring someone else and wanting world domination
very soon, we will be identified by numbers and alphabets,
i hope mine is memorable.

out of control
back in singapore for an undisclosed amount of time
things have changed, things always change even when you are gone for 10 seconds
the gentle winds sweep dust over the pipping hot kopi
kopi cools down alittle but one fails to notice those little changes
until 1/2 hr later when you spit the lukewarm beverage out
how much have you changed and is it for the better would be the question
and isnt betterment a relative term anyways

my lack of contact
i shun to contact some these days
with constant contact, one fails to recognise those little changes
those changes you relate someone to
i see you decked in beautiful clothes
i hear your voices circumventing my ears
but i failed to see the you i knew

i avoid the glossy pictures
i dont want to feast on the eye candy
i want to experience you
i thrive on the shock of the first encounter
many times, the you fails my mind's concoction of you
but i still cherish those little time we have
would have been good if it was the same you
alas, change


joo chiat
bring back the old days
where neighbours shouted vulgarities
where i rode my taiwanese no brand bike to places unknown
where i was the store assistant and quack doctor
when you were physically alive

i couldnt sleep last night
i know it was a really painful ordeal that you have had to endure
i dont blame anyone for anything you did no more
i unfortunately can sympathise with the pain you have to bear
i guessed i wished the result wasnt this way
we are all selfish wanting you by our sides
we all take it for granted when you were there
we all didnt want you to go because we would come up to you and lament
who are you to bear all these
i am sorry you had to do what you did
i wished i was there, maybe i would still have been chatting to you now
so many maybes
on this chinese month of rememberance
i remember you for the character you were
i wished i could post this more eloquently in chinese
you are always spiritually alive
even more so whenever i return to singapore

somehow.
this sentence took a year or more to be written.

just for you
don't really know why i stopped writing online.
don't really know why i am starting to write online again.
it feels right, feels almost like, i should still drop hints of how i am going
to you

i am good.
getting used to the dirt & grim of this grandfather city
getting used to the accents, aspirations and attitudes of the busy streets
and the lonely quiet sunday streets
the rain still smells like home
if only it was under the rusty zinc roof

istanbul
airy spits and third fingers
from their little mouths and weak hands
hellos in english
from their smiling faces and toiled hands
different facets birthed from this divided continent
little one
its hard trying to love you
when they clothe you
with an amour of youthful ignorance
while i stand helplessly in front of you
bringing back with me, you.

i admit. i struggle to blog these days.
i mull over every word i choose, when really,
who pauses by and have a read these days

the clock seems to creep by
seems like the hour hands are constantly churning round
when one's not watching
soon, i tell myself
it will be christmas yet again

i pondered over having imagery on this blogsite
one image, and it tells them, on the northern continent
that i am well and fine, that i have longer hair now,
that i have gained weight, that i might be 25
that we might not miss one another, if we do brush shoulders again

but if i do post images
then would the articulated details on the photos do justice to what i want to convey
i munched through someone's photo buffet the other day
i felt sick and i was positive he has changed
i locked in that mindset, i was certain we are on negative ends of thoughts
we met up, and he proved me right
i have silently erased him from my mind
i am sorry, i shouldnt have looked in the first place

so, i say, i will not post any photos
i will give descriptions,
i will have preferred writing than typing
this font type is not me
it doesnt tell you how hard my fingers are landing on the keyboard
it doesnt tell you how many pauses i made
the ink drops that smudges when i hesitate
the cancellations, the first choice words
the tears, if any

i will write
whenever i feel like
hope this makes you think
when you post another glossy photo
what i see between the photo and the camera

you

dear God,

i pray for world peace, real people, less materialism and keep my eyesight as is, the slight blur-ness, makes the world a much better place to watch by each day.

Amen

carpe diem

on seeing.
i saw you in the limelight
rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous
I saw glitzy and glossy pictures
smiling lipstick smudged faces
hope you are still the same

one can only hope
one can only treasure the best memories
and pray finger crossed
that the few and short visitations
finds the same character

let you not be led astray

on hearing.
i heard the news of the execution
its hard to grapple these political issues
when so many are contented
so few questioning,
many not listening,
aplenty watching

these years
these are the years
when history might be made
where i fight and choose between
pragmatism and experimentation

i packed my bags awhile ago
it all seemed alittle easy for me
no qualms when my grandma passed

i was doing laundry today
and then whipping up dinner
and also washing dishes from lunch
i sported a grin
i thought of the freedom that i had
the envy of many
albeit the so called freedom comes the
challenge of almost no support
i seek few advices these days
i try to discuss and as T would point out
i digress and make a complete opposite choice to the favorite.
i dont understand why i asked

i have always lived that way.
defied the popular
grandpa said i would do well some day
grandmas said i seemed smart
even though i acted in defiance
i cursed my mum and wrote vulgarities about grandpa
on the walls of his room
i was about 11

i try to make plans by night
when i sketch real plans in the day
its tormenting when
i am a pragmatic idealist

shame

this morning i woke up to crumpets, freshly brewed coffee
and the news of yet another Bali bombing

shaken and stirred it dawned on me
so i was in the video store
handpicking a dvd for the saturday night
minding my daily routine
when the disaster struck

and so were the victims
some were having drinks
some were walking home
some squatting having a smoke
all minding their own business

and so i will tell my grandkids
in the earliest of the 21st century
men were killing men, in the name of religion
shame on us.

prayers with Bali.